Welcome to my fantasy. The photo to the left is how I would have my horse life be if everything were utterly perfect. Sighhhhhhhh....
This is sort of a post about horses. Mostly it is a post about gossip, life and renewed commitments we could all probably use. Life at a boarding barn as it exists in the present, gossip because it is the root of all evil and renewed commitments because I have several.
See, despite being frightened as a mouse that finds itself suddenly in the mouth of a cat (which actually happened to one poor soul yesterday when, as I opened the door to under my kitchen sink Obi dived into the space and ensnared an unsuspecting little creature simply out for a morning jaunt to the nearest kitchen trashcan) about venturing out on our own, we are committed to doing so. SEE PRIOR POST. And, I will not lie about the fact that although there are pluses involved in your horse having residence at a boarding facility, there are many, many minuses.
People stuff is everywhere in life. It is one of the reasons I tend to keep to myself, carefully monitor my on-line time even... But, it seems like boarding barns are simply chock full of drama with an extra dose or two and I am not sure why. I have argued against the offhanded sexist belief that it is normally because they contain mostly (or in the case of my barn only) women. But, gosh....so much of what goes on in them (and this isn't the first boarding barn I have been a member of) centers around gossip, snarkiness and stuff I haven't experienced since well, junior high and high school, that my arguments are becoming harder to make inside my own head.
I have the added issue that I made a decision when I boarded there that I was going to try my best to get along with everyone. I was there to ride and in order to ride you need people to ride WITH and so I was not going to allow myself to be dragged down into "barn stuff". This has sort of worked. I say sort of because I don't think there is one person there that would not invite me to ride if they were going out. BUT, I still generally ride with the same couple of people on a regular basis. Why? Because they are the only people on mostly the same schedule as I am and because they ride. See, the other thing about a boarding barn is that you have a ton of folks that have horses housed there. Horses they don't do a damn thing with. Or, horses that they only see once a week or even every couple of weeks... So, they don't ride much is what I'm saying.
There are other factors. Fear (of course) is big for me and riding with some folks as opposed to others is more safe. This is a practical matter as well as a something that needs to be conquered matter. There are "real" fears and there are the fears that simply hold you back and my riding life is a mixture of both. There are....
Well, I guess I am wrong the main factors are convenience and fear. Gosh, that makes me feel like a big pussy. Anyway - OK, this has already been productive in terms of breaking down my brain. Note to self and reader friends - write stuff out.
So, the gossip. OH MY GAWD the gossip. I can't get away from it. People tell me things. Random meaningless things are said in conversations. Things like - I got bread from Walmart the other day and it was blue. Somehow that gets translated weeks later to you said all bread at Walmart is purple & so & so told you that so I asked such and such and they said absolutely not bread is yellow and everyone knows that. I AM NOT exaggerating about how inane and ridiculous some of this stuff is. Yesterday I flipped a lid (sort of) and said - WHY does it matter whether the bread is blue, purple or yellow? And the offender said - it doesn't really.
Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding... So, you gossip to stir the pot of shit. If one engages in also stirring, even in casual, seemingly unimportant conversation, one is also immersing herself in the pot of shit. Well, it STINKS, this pot. And I gotta step out of it and take a goddamn shower.
Today I am going to the barn at NOT my usual time. I need silence. I need to not be surrounded by random discussions about this horse or that one, assumptions about the owner, the trailer it came in on, the choice of food, condition of the coat. The only SHIT I want to smell like today comes out of the far end of my pony and I'm determined to keep it that way.
My new line is "that doesn't sound like it has anything to do with me" and I'm sure I'll be repeating it 10 thousand times over the next month alone. I don't know how else to deal with this other than to shut it down and discontinue all conversations that have anything to do with anything other than...well, I can't think of any safe conversations so let's just say I'm mainly mute at this point.
In Loving Memory
...of the first horse to hold my heart