Ordinary things can be extremely magical if you let them. They can also be completely mundane and lacking if you allow them to be. This includes all aspects of life for me since I have always felt that magic is what you make it, that everything contains it and that this is all we get.
So, bummer that in terms of life in general I feel like the latter is where I am/have been/continue to be. For some time now, the fascination with magic, spirituality, self exploration, feeling creative, even thinking deeply have all pretty much left the building for me.
I have touched on it a bit both here and in one podcast Ep but don't like to be a Debbie Downer so for the most part, for over a year I have trudged along, going through the motions of "hey yeah sure I'm a magical practitioner" as well as every other motion required of me to even keep my head above water.
Those include working (which I simply HAVE to force myself to excel at because it allows me to pay my bills), training (I have gritted my teeth and soldiered on until just a few weeks ago at which point just basically, well, stopped), even riding (things are so emotionally negative at my barn right now I need a goddam exorcist)...
I don't care about my practice, I don't care about my body (I'm not saying that in a vain way I'm saying it in the way people feel when they don't even see the point in washing their hair), I have a bizzillion things I could be doing that might even bring me joy but I am just too lazy to do them. Big to small - my feelings of listless run the whole ten miles. Everything from being too lazy to practice guitar to stop at a tire shop and get an estimate for new truck tires that I have been saving for over the past six months. I just...don't feel like doing that today... That is my constant thought process.
Lazy isn't even a judgement. It just IS.
Yet I have done some really awesome things in the last month or so, including starting some practice with energy work, attending a workshop for the same, getting my level 1 Reiki attunement, going to NOLA for PPSM4, finally getting to do a full day of trail riding (after being "arena locked" for over ten years), visiting my mom in Florida...
The point being I have not been sitting back and simply giving up. I have actually been doing quite the opposite for the past year (all this began last fall) I have been doing MORE in an attempt to relight a fire of some kind, reinsert some magic in my life, fucking care about anything, even one thing...
I guess I keep thinking I can somehow "shock" myself back into action, have some lightning bolt of inspiration jolt me out of this, whatever it is.
I should be feeling vibrant and happy about the new year. I should be looking forward to exploring the dark season and learning new things and being fully immersed in everything available to me.
Yet I am not.