Tonight is a Full Moon. I hardly ever pay attention to moon phases now. My life has just sort of been floating along in the state of indifference I described yesterday. I'll look up at the sky and say "hello" to her on occasion but...
Anyway, you get my drift.
After blogging yesterday I got to thinking about a conversation that I was having with someone last week. The conversation was about problems, basically. It was related to work and assignments but the gist was that things seem overwhelming because when you look at Godzilla he is really, really huge. If you stab his toe though, that is a start.
So, I have this problem with feeling listless and not particularly excited about anything in life and this problem has now had me in its grip for over a year. It extends to ALL aspects of my life. I live in a shade of muted blah right now. It isn't grey, hell it isn't a color at all it is just...muck.
I wouldn't call it depression. It is just a long, ongoing case of what we call "the fuck-its".
I started thinking about it further yesterday because we had some Godzilla sized issues at home.
Basically, it is the season of The Leaf and we live in the middle of a Forest. Clearing leaves is a daunting job. There is NO WAY we can just rake. We used to use two leaf blowers in tangent and then Sam would out the plow blade on the ATV and push the leaves to the edge of the woods. It took approximately 30 total work hours spread over several weekends and we never would get to the flower beds, herb garden, etc so there would still be a mess in the spring. A couple of years ago Sam bought a piece of equipment that actually sucks the leaves up and grinds them so now we are looking at around 12 hours total AND get to the gardens as well.
But, I digress...
We had leaves to clear and a tree came down on our fence that surrounds our garden shed/my magic shop. It bent a good portion of the fence to the ground, creating a huge mess.
So, problem: the yard is a mess, our fence is broken, there are limbs and leaves everywhere, it is an overwhelming friggin onslaught of the nature army LOL.
I could not afford to fall into my present state of being with this. I had to break the problem down into steps.
1. Don't even look at the whole picture. That will surely overwhelm you.
2. We took the tree first. Sam used the chainsaw, I worked on dragging brush and limbs. Then he cut usable stuff into firewood. I stacked the same. Then we bent the fence poles back to upright and assessed true damage. A supply list was made. A trip to Lowes was scheduled.
3. Yard. I raked leaves out from under all bushes and from beds. Sam ran the Leaf Terminator ;) and within three hours we had cleared the space.
Now, we probably have another partial day of work to finish the leaves that does include blowing where the machine can't get and I have to do some hand work in the pond garden but - for the most part, Godzilla defeated by breaking things down into manageable parts.
How does this relate to my state of being? Well, I am formulating that...