Life is a funny thing. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20 and only when we reflect can we put our finger on the reason for many of our struggles, choices, our odd ways of dealing with discontent.
I have recently made a major life change and now find myself on my own for the first time in almost 14 years. If I would have read my journals and/or my blogs with a clear, third party mindset for the past two to three years I would have known this would be the eventual outcome of my situation. We look for reasons, excuses, scapegoats in our quest to “fix” our lives. Most of the time the problem is much more simple to define, yet the solution is horribly complicated. Thus, the need for reasons, excuses, scapegoats…
But, this post is not about the nitty gritty details of my life and issues. I will end the “you need to know that I’m starting from scratch to understand some of what I write" portion by saying that I still respect and love my former cohabitating partner. He is still my best friend in many ways. Our paths crossed, merged, then separated and that is life. Nothing is guaranteed nor should we regret our experiences. Life is best managed by living.
I’m writing this post because I mediated today for the first time in almost a year! LOL. It was a spontaneous decision. I was cleaning and putting my belongings away. I have been doing this for three weeks mind you. It is an extremely tedious process and since my stuff didn’t even fill up half a moving truck I am left to wonder WHAT is taking so long???? But, alas, I digress….
So, I’m cleaning and placing and sorting and I have my Solstice playlist on, which is a mix of Christmas songs both serious and funny as well as some Celtic instrumental stuff, and various “dark season” Pagan tunes. And, as fate would have it, it started snowing. Really pretty, big flakes of snow just floating slowly down and as I was walking through the living room thinking how pretty they were my favorite winter prayer song came on. So, I grabbed this blanket I keep in my “yoga” basket and plopped my bum on the floor and….
…Holy days, whole nights, dark of the Moon
Inside, outside, all the same
Everything waits to take the next breath
Death of before, birth of ever-after
Laugh and remember
To dream is to remember
To breath is to be whole
To remember to breath is to be holy
Beautiful darkness, when I am alone
Beautiful darkness that carries me home…
One Small Candle, from the album Beautiful Darkness, Celebrating the Winter Solstice
Jessica Radcliffe, Lisa Ekstrom and Martin Simpson