I have come to the point where I have extra time. I should be happy about this! We all feel we need more time, right? This is a good thing don't get me wrong. But it leaves me (and I feel others that have experienced it) a little off balance. We tend to want to fill that time with stuff, thereby eventually making ourselves once again short on time. Why is this?
For me it is probably because I am afraid to slow down due to the real possibility that I will just....stop. Stop shaving my legs, stop washing my hair, stop doing the dishes and eventually stop even getting out of bed and I will then become that crazy cat lady that Sam teases me about. LOL.
This is a deep rooted psychological thing for me. As a kid I was always told I didn't try hard enough, was too dreamy, I was possibly lazy and basically wasn't going to amount to much. I'm not saying this for a sympathy factor it is just reality. So, what I am getting at is that these are beliefs that stay with us and also often shape our actions and reactions.
This extra time I have is a marker of freedom for me. I am changing a lot of things about my life and the way I live it this year. I have flirted with this before but always ended up getting sidetracked and then eventually returned to the same, well traveled road that I am used to. This time, I have taken measures to ensure it doesn't happen. Many of them are a bit painful mentally. For instance, I just deleted an entire two year, very detailed account of my physical journey in an on-line community. Why? Because it was the only way I could truly be free for the other parts of myself to blossom.
And so since my physical self is taking a back seat, or at least a more appropriate place, I have all this additional time that was once spent in that community and others. What in the world is a girl to do? LOL.
Well, I have been sleeping more for sure. And cooking more. And of course working on this website more. I have been writing and Sam and I have done some hiking. And I am really trying to NOT fill this extra time with any set routine so that it will remain "free" time that I can do with whatever I want on any given day.