The Inevitable Conclusion

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There is this thing that happens with me and it doesn't matter what is involved, whether it be a person, a job, a situation...  I just reach a point where I don't care anymore and at that point there is not one damn thing I can do to force myself to care. 

I wonder if this is some sociopathic tendency or just my soul's way of reflecting to me that enough is enough with whatever it is I no longer care about?

I first noticed it as a kid after having been bullied for quite some time in the 2nd or 3rd grade.  By the time the bully and her crew had stopped focusing on me, moved onto someone else and suddenly it was permissible for me to be "accepted" I JUST.DID.NOT.CARE.  If there would have been a *rolls eyes* social media sign back then I would have sent it to her.  It was empowering at the time, to realize that mean people didn't really matter.

My "I don't care" detachment gene has guided my soul on many occasions.  At one social work type position in my very early career I remember telling my supervisor I was seeking other employment.  She was sorry to hear that because I had been a great employee.  When she asked why I said it was because I realized that I just don't care about the people I'm supposed to be helping.  She was a bit taken aback, but agreed that it was certainly time for me to move on.  I laugh about it now but the look on her face was sort of a well, aren't you a heartless one inner gasp.  To which I thought pffffftttttttt....I.JUST.DON'T.CARE.

Sometimes I wonder if it is the people factor.  In general I just don't care about people.  I think that (overgeneralization of the day) mostly, people create their own drama and messes and then they want others to care.  And that actually, normally their drama and messes create drama and messes for the rest of us so why should we care?  The other factor is that I tend to track out stuff on my own inner does this matter in the BIG picture? calculator and most things just come up with a negative result.  Of course, that could simply be because I.DON'T.CARE. 

Besides the people factor there is certainly some situational baggage involved.  Someone stated to me the other day that I am really no longer a "recreation professional" and that what I do at this point toggles between running for office and sitting on a witness stand being cross examined on a daily basis.  I had to agree with her, at which point I thought that it was no damn wonder that I JUST.DON'T.FUCKING.CARE. 

I think that sometimes it is a shame that the further we climb that so called "ladder of success" the less time we spend doing what we love, or in my case, what is at least tolerable.  On the other hand, is caring a myth?  I mean, lots of people I'm sure go to places of employment that they don't care about.  It is a means to an ends.  I think maybe that's what work used to be and that now somehow we have gotten the idea that we deserve to love what we do.  Could that be it? 

Maybe we have gotten that idea though because we realize that life is too short to not care.  Maybe those who keep seeking something to care about keep seeking it for a practical reason and that reason is that time is limited.  Too limited to JUST.NOT.CARE. 

Hmmmmm...interesting Sunday morning coffee discussion if nothing else.