I am really clueless sometimes. LOL. I mean it I can be waaayyyyy not sharp when it comes to the universe knocking on my door, trying to speak to me, attempting to nudge my life or focus in one direction or another. I DO believe that it does this to all of us and it just depends on how focused we are as to whether it has to tap lightly or hit us over the head with a pot.
I had done a post some time ago about a vision that I had during a group meditation. That vision involved, for one, an elephant that seemed to have a message for me. Then I started seeing elephants. Everywhere. The post link is here: Prior Blog Post
I have been spending time getting to know The elephant and possibly figuring out what he might have to teach me. Remover of obstacles, symbol of power and strength, reminding us to never forget the lessons of life.
Being a child who dreamed of living in Africa with a lion as my companion I have always enjoyed watching elephants and other creatures of the realm of my fantasy. But, I had never felt chosen by the elephant. I loved him in the same manner as I love other animals. I was fascinated by his attributes, found him interesting and worthy of so much more than our species has afforded him. But, I had never felt him pull me, call to me, nudge me, until that meditation. So, I found it odd because I had just never considered the elephant in that manner.
It is kind of like my friend who is a dog trainer and advocate. Her life IS dogs. Yet, in her energy work, she sees birds. In her meditations, birds. She laughs about how she wanted her totems to be dogs so badly but birds flew in instead.
So, I have spent my time thanking the elephant for considering me and learning about him and contemplating what he could be saying to me. I have tried to meditate on him again, without a lot of luck but still, I had some feeling I needed to continue to explore him.
Last week I decided to take a full moon mantra meditation at my yoga studio. I have never done anything like that before and it is a new year, one that I have deemed to be ruled by the word TRUTH so I am intending to explore and find my truth whenever I can. I had read the description of the class in a hurry, not really paying attention to detail just that the meditation was based on removing obstacles from your life. Thinking I could use me some of that I signed up.
The instructor explained that we would be repeating a mantra using our malas to count and that we would be meditating and praying upon GANESHA (Ganesh).
At this point, my very limited knowledge of the Hindu deities had this light bulb, hand-to-head moment. Ohhhhhh, interesting....
The Universe works in mysterious ways. Puts us in places we need to be on occasion, takes us by storm sometimes or simply whispers softly and hopes that eventually we will hear. Well, I heard.
I'm still perplexed on some levels. I have never studied or been at all interested in Hindu deities. I am very obviously and quite intuitively rooted in Germanic and Celtic lore. I have been known to feel deeply within me a call toward Greek deities when approaching the Divine Universe.
Oh, gosh, so to clarify (or confuse) new readers, I am a bit of a nontheistic Pagan. I didn't even know this label existed until recently, having for awhile referred to myself as a PAtheist (my some sort of mixture between pagan because I am earth/nature centered spiritually, atheist because I do not necessarily believe that "the gods" exist as actual entities, but still I choose to engage in ritual and address the Universe, which I truly DO believe is the ultimate Divine and I sometimes address the energy from that Universe by name of one god or the other during ritual or prayer because it just helps me concentrate on what particular aspect I am drawn to at that time). Yes, I am utilizing the attributes assigned to gods and saying their names at times but that doesn't mean that I am calling upon them like they are my neighbor that I'm asking to get me out of a ditch on a snowy morning. It just means that my tiny, human mind has latched onto the attribute and lore, it resonates with me in a meaningful way and I feel it gives my ritual and prayer more meaning than saying - hey, Universe, you there? It's me and I could use a favor... In essence, it is sort of like breaking assignments down into manageable parts. It helps me to see the trees instead of the whole vast forest and concentrate on what the intent is.
So, anyway, sorry for that brief relapse into explanation but I am trying to not confuse people. So, as I was saying, Hindu? Never. It isn't that I do not respect it. It is just that it has never sparked anything within me.
So, how is it that I find myself being spoken to by this portion of the Universe? I simply do not know. However, in being open and defining myself as a seeker, I have embarked on a 40 day meditation practice using the mantra that we used for the full moon in combination with some other mantras that I have been working with. Surprisingly, I am finding it all melodic and very touching. I only say surprisingly because, again, I have never been particularly interested in Hindu mantras or prayer and I became even less interested with the past decade's "all things yoga" movement of the West.
Why? (INSERT VERY SHORT RANT HERE LOL) Because I think we don't "get" it. Because I feel like so many people out there doing yoga and engaging in relationships with spiritual advisors and preaching all is love....are just full of shit. LOL. Because I feel like they are just as dirty and weak and mean and fucked up as the rest of us yet they spew peace and love for one hour in class and that makes them enlightened.
But, despite all of that my awareness has opened and Ganesh speaks. I do not know if he is here for good. Perhaps he is just passing through. But, however long is fine with me and I will honor whatever I have to learn.
A Diary of...
Trying to live well in every way...and sometimes laughing about it later.