Recent events in my life have shaken the foundation of what I knew to be true, or at least possible for an eventual future. These events aren't really anyone's fault, they are just what happens with we carbon based creatures able to pick and choose our interpretations of and reactions to the actions of others. We move through life sometimes either too slow with our decisions, or in perpetual knee-jerk reactions to the decisions of the people around us. And sometimes what you expect another's reactions to be based on life-long history are not accurate at all.
But these are the things I know for sure ~
Birds are singing this morning. Spring birds. And I know there are buds high in the trees and there was frost last night. I know my horse's breath is crisp and hangs like fog in front of him as he walks to the field this morning. I know he will greet me with a nicker later today. I know I will run later. I know I can pay my bills and I know I have a job tomorrow. I know that job makes up a career that will allow me to leave here and I know that I can do that and fulfill a dream that I have had for decades (which is the dream of leaving here).
The things that I don't know, like what kind of birds make up each song, which tree will bloom first and what Takoda will do each and every minute of his day today, don't really matter in terms of getting me through the shit in my own basement. How far I run will depend on how I feel. When I leave this particular town will depend on when I make a choice to and where I want to go, where I can secure employment, and whether the place is horse friendly (I won't ever go anywhere again that isn't).
All the things that I don't know are global and if/when I really want to know them I can seek them out and find them out. I can take action and make them my own knowledge and experience. All the things that I do know are the things that make up each and every moment and the moment after that. THOSE are the things that will get me through. Those are the things I must cling to for a bit, in the basement of my soul.
Trying to live well in every way...and sometimes laughing about it later.