My knee hurts. I don't know why. To be specific it only hurts
when I am walking up or down stairs and putting weight on this particular knee - my right knee - while it is bent. LOL.
Am I injured? Would you consider it to be injured if your body part only hurt doing one particular thing in one particular way? Maybe not. Unless you are active. If you are active you realize very quickly how many times in a given week that movement that causes you pain is repeated in various ways through being, well, active.
So, I am making myself take today and tomorrow completely off from extra physical activity. That
means, no lifting, no running, no circuits, nothing. But I still have to walk up and down stairs. Like, several times a day. Ugggghhhhhh. The continual reminder that something is not right is very irritating to me. I am not a very patient person with my body. I take care of it. It should work properly. Dammit. And it hasn’t
always. I actually understand pain very well. My relationship with pain began around 14 or so, when I inadvertently ruptured a disc in my back. Two actually. The pain continually worsened until I was 19, at which point it was impossible for me to stand up from a seated position without experiencing a
piercing jolt of “holy shit that hurts” or even to remain seated for an extended period of time. I guess at this
point my parents finally believed I wasn’t just being overly dramatic because an MRI was eventually scheduled. Before this I had received no formal medical diagnosis.
The MRI showed the ruptures. Proudly (and somewhat smugly) I heard the surgeon explain how my
particular discs were “the worst he had seen outside of long time football injuries” while pointing them out to us on the screen. Surgery was scheduled and done. Recovery was quick, due no doubt to the fact that I was young and had remained active.
So, what I am getting at is that I have a personal relationship with pain and on a PAIN scale my knee is simply so freaking annoying if it were a fly I would squish it. But, it is my knee. And I am starting to
realize that I compare so many things to my back that I ignore things I probably should not. When I broke my elbow in a fall from my horse my first thought was – something is wrong I think I broke my arm. I shook it off and got back on my horse, finished my lesson while telling myself – really, does that hurt as much as your back? Stop being a baby. LOL. I took my horse to the bay, got his tack off (painfully), went to lift his foot to clean it and my arm just would.not.work. Hmmmm…. Unless there is blood and a gaping wound, I am skeptical that anything is wrong.
So, I wonder if this childhood experience has made me tough regarding pain, which would come in handy for my (no doubt) future with arthritis and degenerative back issues (something I will no doubt have since my
back problems started so young), aching joints, etc… Or has it made me reckless because I don’t recognize or acknowledge my body when it says – hey, I need a break here. I am not even talking about an exercise
break. Today, despite telling Sam that, OK, I will “take it easy” I unloaded a truckload of items at Goodwill
including a TV, monitor, several boxes and felt that knee more than once and also my back due to a stupid lifting position and something heavy.
We all take our bodies for granted in various ways. Some of us don’t take care of them at all and expect them to continue to work. Others abuse them outright with various means. Professional athletes push them to the limits and many end up literally broken down and unable to function. People like me try to take care of ourselves but possibly tend to ignore aches and pains because we expect more. We all age. We all wear down. I’m trying to not do so as quickly as if I did not take care. I’m sure my body will cooperate. I hope my back doesn’t start telling secrets to my knee….
A Diary of...
Trying to live well in every way...and sometimes laughing about it later.