Ugggghhhh THE doctor. No one likes to go to the doctor. Yet I trudged off to see two today. LOL. Best to get it all over with in one shot is my approach. Without going into my boring medical issues, I had exams and bloodwork done. I won't know the results for a couple of weeks of course but I may be lacking in some things they suspect.
It will be interesting as one of my choices is going to be not what to do but whether to do anything where one issue is concerned. These choices are personal and have to do with what goes into my body and my own beliefs on Western medicine's objective (it seems to me) of throwing a pill or synthetic adaptation of a natural substance into the blender of one's internal functions and seeing if that "regulates" it.
I often call bullshit with this approach. So, we'll see.
The circumstances leading up to this Balance Cleanse were both physical and mental. So, I have tried to address both during this period and will of course continue to do so afterwards. I've taken some steps based on my astrological consult and today I received some additional consultation through tarot and Rootwork with Silver Shadow. Thanks for the consult Mr. Shadow!
So, I will be engaging my body and mind in some positive healing with ritual bathing and some other proven methods. I have never paid much attention to this side of myself before. I self read tarot periodically and have had people read me yes, but I have never really done much with the insight except be mindful of what it told me. Kind of like when someone tells you a stove is hot and you believe them so you are careful. I have never actively done anything to further or influence what the cards have said. I'm not sure why. Lazy? LOL.
Well, lazy is over LOL. This cleanse requires action that not only takes place right now but extends into daily life indefinitely. Hopefully for always. Being lazy isn't just a physical state, see... It can be mental, spiritual and practical. It can be in every way and all ways each to a different extent. Giving yourself needed rest is NOT being lazy. But, living without passion, in a listless manner....that is lazy.
You know how it is. You have lots of irons in the fire. Many things on the plate. Stuff to do, things to watch, projects open, books to read. You have so many things that sometimes you get around to none of them. During this cleanse I am determined to not only get around to them but specifically, pick ONE book of the many I have sitting around and dive into it with intention and committment.
The book I ended up picking for that purpose is one I started a few months ago and somehow it got lost in my crazy life and the recent questioning of my beliefs or at least how they are manifested in myself and the everyday world. Despite my struggles I enjoyed the first part of the book immensly. It made sense. I highlighted many portions. I'm not sure why I put it down really I just....got distracted.
So, today, I picked it up and began again. The book is The Path of Druidry by Penny Billington. Now, I am not saying I am a Druid or even that i will ever be one. However, I AM a nature lover and believer in the here and now and the beauty and magic of both. And I am finding that this book has so many practical lessons for someone like myself that I think of it less as a book about Druidry and more as a book about the way I wish to conduct myself in relation to nature, the world and those I interact with.
So, this is my "one thing" not only for the day but also the thing I will be working through in the coming weeks and beyond.
Monday. Sometimes a day not looked forward to in the Western world. This week I decided to change all that. I had a bit of flexible time coming to me at work for some meetings attended in evenings the prior week and I took it in the afternoon. It was a pretty day. Sunny, a bit windy, but warm. The dog and I went for a short walk, I filled bird feeders and then recorded a short podcast episode. That "short" episode ended up taking two hours to edit due to me not being mindful of my "cut" function LOL but once it was done there was the feeling of satisfaction of having created something from scratch that always comes with this hobby.
I also began to work on a new collage for a study journal that I'll be using for the next few months. I'm going to be filling it with dream notations, assignments from my spiritual studies and other notes and ponderings. I love collaging. Some people scrapbook. I collage.
I actually went to bed early this day, due to staying up late the night before with my guilty TV pleasure. This rest was just what I needed. I am enjoying being able to just listen to my body. She wants to sleep, she gets to sleep. She wants to wake, we get up. I did not set an alarm on Monday and plan not to for the remainder of this cleanse.
Sunday was day two of the Balance Cleanse. This day I titled Find Your Fun Day because fun was exactly what it was to be dedicated to. Take a look at the picture on the left. Horses believe mounting blocks to be toys. Sort of like big domino pieces or something. They like to knock them over, lick them, take the tops off of them... Horses know how to have fun.
This day began with some yummy flavored coffee, quick animal chores and then I headed to the barn early. I was there until well after 2PM, hanging out, doing some mucking, riding, chatting, being the barn bum I love to be. When I got home I did something I rarely get to do. I took a NAP! YES, the dog and I had a fabulous nap on a Sunday afternoon.
Later, we continued our "only fun allowed" day with our one TV allotment of the retreat. THE WALKING DEAD. And a mighty fine guilty pleasure it was.
To find balance, we must allow fun into our lives. How you define it is up to you. Mine apparently is pretty simple and involves ponies, lounging and those pesky walkers.
hhhh Saturday. A good day to start anything actually. This day began actually last night as far as prep for this cleanse goes. I have a routine on Fridays in the winter that involves one of our facilities and making sure it is ready for the weekend. Other than that I was fairly caught up at work so spent most of the day working on some projects for an upcoming meeting and some odds and ends. After work I was on muck duty and the dog needed a bath if he was to cuddle with me at ANY point during this retreat. Stinko-rama. LOL. So, after those dirty chores were done I gathered all of my needs for the week, "moved" into my retreat space (AKA guest room) and said goodbye to the TV (except for the WD tomorrow night LOL) for a week.
Books and journal? Check. Computer? Check. Dog? Check. Cat? Check when he feels like it. Headphones? Check. I put the headphones on fairly early last night, as I was tired and just wanted some meditation time. And despite falling asleep and starting the whole thing over three times during the night I don't think I made it all the way through once. LOL. It is JUST.SO.RELAXING. Now, I'm not going to worry myself if I fall asleep during every single meditation. Just the fact that they relax me is proof to me that they are working on some level. I did wake up once around midnight, took the dog out, put the Ancient One (AKA Zombie Cat) to bed with his heating pad and a snack then went back to bed myself. Slept amazingly well and didn't get up until after 7:00 this morning.
And what a productive retreat day it was! Today was deemed "cleanse your surroundings" day. Some of it was dirty work - I cleaned out our frig, composted what needed it, scrubbed the cat room from top to bottom including kitty potties, sorted recycling to take to center tomorrow and then dived into my closet with brutal intent. I joked that I now have three pair of jeans, some beaters and a backpack. Well, I have a little more than that but.... Here was my strategy for those afraid to "let go" - Do I wear this? How often? If I don't, obviously it is gone. If I wear it only once or twice per season, gone. Does this make me feel good when I wear it? If not, GONE. Are these shoes comfy? Gone. How ugly is THAT? Gone. The rule of "if you haven't worn it this season" is an old standby and almost always works for me. The other thing that works - look at the stuff you ALWAYS wear. Most of us have things we truly love and wear often. So, those are the things you keep.
Why is this part of my cleanse? Well, some would tell you it is because I'm OCD and love organizing my closet. I'm not denying that but in terms of cleansing, we all have things we hold onto when we shouldn't and I find clothes to be one of the common items that people just can't seem to let go of even when they need to. So, being able to do this is important to my overall well being. It is like shedding a cast when it becomes uncomfortable and no longer needed. The other aspects of cleansing your surroundings are obvious to me - any clean space, tidy space, space without unnecessary clutter, is a space of good karma. I believe it lets itself be filled by positive energy. Negative energy collects on no longer needed things in my opinion, like dust on furniture. It collects and it grows. Keeping my spaces tidy and in order allows good energy to bloom.
Tonight I am enjoying some green tea with slippery elm and honey. I plan to read a bit, then meditate and hopefully have some vivid dreams to write in my journal in the morning!
A Diary of...
Trying to live well in every way...and sometimes laughing about it later.